What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
