This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
