I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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