I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
