A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
