I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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