just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
