Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
