Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
