This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
