This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
