PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
