I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
