Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
