More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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