I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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