May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
