you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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