Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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