working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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