So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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