It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There r osticjed everywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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