I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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