Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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