I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
