I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
