You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
