my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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