I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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