if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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