Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
