If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
