I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
