My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize