Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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