Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
