Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pooping to opera.
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