He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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