I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
