What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize
