dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
