how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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