y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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