he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hippo gnu deer
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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