At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
