I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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