OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
