Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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