I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
