Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
