I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
