so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
