Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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