Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
