There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
