Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
