All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
