It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
