i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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